Comment Wall

 

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South Asian Map; Web Source: WikiMedia


Comments

  1. Hi Sana,
    I think your introduction is great! I realized that you want to use the first-person perspective to tell the whole story which is excellent! The stories' content would be vivid and impressive during using this method. Also, you structured your storybooks blueprint in your introduction. After I browse that, I could get a brief idea about what would happen in the following stories.

    I think the stories happened in south Asia. However, I am not familiar with this region, from culture to humanity. There may have others just like me who also do not feel familiar with this place. So, if you could show more background information about your storybook, it would be better.

    Besides, I think there is one confusing point in your introduction. You mentioned, "I disappeared in society's eyes". I am not sure what are society's eyes, could you do some explanation about that when you write stories latter?

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  2. Hi, Sana!

    Your premise for your storybook is great. I think that telling known stories from a different perspective is always a really interesting way to go. A perspective from someone like a rejected sibling is even better! I enjoyed your choice to tell the story from a first person perspective as well. It makes the subject engaging and could offer some great artistic opportunities.

    I noticed that you mention the fact that our storyteller, the sister, was forgotten a lot. She says it multiple times. You probably only need to say it once to get the point across. Perhaps you could replace some of those instances with description about why the mother and "society" didn't want our storyteller. Perhaps you could tell us a bit about the world and culture surrounding our hero.

    I think you have a great start to an interesting story. Your premise is solid and the medium and method offers up some cool options. Just remember to immerse us into this world and have us feel for this character. Why should I care that she was forgotten? What's so cool about her?

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  3. Hi Sana! I really like your concept for the storybook! Having the introduction all be in first person like she's telling us the story is really interesting. She definitely seems jealous of her brother so
    I'm curious to see how that affects her relationship with him and their mother who so badly wanted a boy. Maybe it makes them really distant because she knows she will always be inferior in her mother's eyes. I'm also assuming that your stories are going to be in modern times? It's a little hard to tell. You could clarify that in your introduction. Your first story is pretty good. I definitely did not expect for the Rayan to get left behind like that. I'm surprised he was able to be alright for so long. If the other mother is so abusive why doesn't he leave the family? He's 18 now so it would probably be better for him.

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  4. Hi Sana, I think you are off to an awesome start with this storybook! The concept and direction you are taking for this project is very unique and I have not seen this before. The introduction being in first person and using a narrator is cool. Was Rajakanya in any of the originals of these stories or did you add her character? If you added her where did you get this idea? The first story is really great and I can not wait to continue reading what else you add to it. It may be an interesting twist to talk more about the second, spiteful mother and what happens to her in the future? Because you made Rayan kind in this story will he stay kind or decide to be more revengeful in the future? I can not wait to come back and see what twists and turns your storybook makes and how it turns out.

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  5. Hi Sana,

    To start off, I really like the cultural aspect of your storybook. I enjoy learning about things from other cultures that I might not have been exposed to before. I also like the point of view from which you are telling the story, it helps us get to know the main character a little bit more and how they're feeling. Maybe in the next story give us a little more insight into the character feelings rather than just the plot so that we understand family relations. I'm really curious to understand more about the mother in this story- it seems like she is very spiteful and has her own motives that will be interesting to uncover. More dialogue between the main character and the mother will for sure show that. I really liked the first story and i'll be sure to keep following it throughout the semester. Keep up the good work!

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  6. Hey Sana,

    I really like your story, "The Best B-Day Present," particularly because it includes aspects of cultural ideology that many people probably aren't familiar with. For one, I did not know that one historical reason for the practice of polygamy was repopulation in a post-war era! I'm also glad that you clarified where Punjab is! Thank you for including that information. I think your introduction sets up your stories very well, and I like that you told them from a first-person point-of-view; both of these aspects help make your stories engaging and easy to follow. However, I think that some wording is a little repetitive, like when you identify Raja as Rajakanya's younger brother several times in the introduction. Other than that, though, I think you did a great job! You've set your storybook up to be a really creative and interesting project, and I can't wait to read more! Good luck with everything, Sana!

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