Week 7 Story: Young Lyfe
("Triplets;" Web Source: Flickr)
Bibliography: The Three Brothers in Stories from Congo by Richard Edward Dennett.
Hi, I am Timmy. It all started when I was 16 years old. I began dating a beautiful and sweet girl, and her name was Maggie. We went to high school together, and it was fun until one day that it wasn't. We were dating for 6 months and were getting out of that honeymoon stage when she said that she wants me to marry her right now. We were 16, and I couldn't give her that. It didn't end there. She was very emotionally draining, so I broke off our relationship.
A couple years later, I was in college, and there was Maggie. Rather than the usual "hello"'s or "it's been so long,"'s Maggie told me she had to tell me something.
"I'm sorry if I was crazy in high school about getting married. I had your baby when we were in high school. They were triplets actually , but don't worry I don't have them anymore." She explained.
A lot passed through my head but mostly anger at not knowing and overall confusion of my emotions.
"Do you know who adopted them?" I asked.
"Nope, I just left them in the woods no one went to near our high school." Maggie explained.
I was pissed. They probably died. Did someone find them?
"I wish you would have told me." I explained.
I knew there was nothing good I could say to Maggie. I was upset, and I decided to go back to the woods near our high school to see where my kids(?) may have been abducted or died.
It looked the same way that I remembered it to be which is dark. Suddenly, a bear popped out. Rather than kill me, it grabbed me and took me toward a tree.
To my amazement, I saw three really dirty but cute little kids.
Authors Note:
The original story had a woman who did not want her triplets, so she left them alone. The babies had a river spirit that helped them survive. They grew up to be full on adults and had their own kids. Essentially, the dad of the twins sees them and thinks it's his kids. He tells the wife to look, and essentially the twins are about to kill their mother. However, the river-spirit tells them to not do that. I changed this story by giving a backstory about why she left her triplets alone. They were young in my story, and I think many people can understand that there is a stigma against having a child so young and also in some areas to have a child before marriage. Instead of a river spirit, I made a bear help them survive. The mother was not as involved in my story.
Hey, Sana
ReplyDeleteI love the perspective and point of view in your writing! I am so much more used to reading stories (and writing - as I do it myself) that work with third-person. Reading a first-person view story felt refreshing, as it felt like I was much more involved in the story and was actually the character. It made it feel a lot more in-depth as I read your piece, and I think I might try that technique out in my own writing! The details in your story also helped elevate the plot and setting, and it made it really easy to follow along. Well done.
Hi Sana!
ReplyDeleteI loved your idea to put the story in a first-person narrative! I try to do that for a lot of my stories, or at least to test out some of story in it, because I really do feel that it helps the author understand and think through the character's emotions and back story. It helped a lot with my sympathetic feelings towards them. I also like the added detail about the characters' ages. It does exactly what you wanted - helps us understand the decision not to keep them. Overall, great job!
Hi Sana!
ReplyDeleteThis was definitely an interesting read to me since I had never read the original. It was a very wild ride in that sense being that I had no clue why he was being carried away by a bear or why she would ditch her children in a forest. I think this is an excellent story you have here but the plot does tend to move a little fast. This could be remedied by slowing it down a little and really lingering in a few moments throughout. Like, what do the kids look like? Can you describe them in detail? How does their breakup go? It would be interesting to include it from the perspective of the bear or even the kids too. Great job!
Hi Sana,
ReplyDeleteThis was a rollercoaster of a story! I thought wanting to get married at sixteen was crazy until I read that she left three children in the woods. I like how the narration sounded like how teenagers/college students would be talking; it made it more personable. Maybe explaining how they felt when they saw eachother again would have added more depth to the story and emotion for the reader. Everything made sense when I read the author's note but this was quite the read. Good work and I'll be looking forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Sana!
ReplyDeleteThis story definitely escalated pretty quickly! I love how it's in first person. I always try to write my stories in first person too. I feel like it adds more emotions and depth to a character. That was only one confusion on my part. In the author's note I noticed you put triplets and twins. I was confused on which it was. Overall, great story. I love how nonchalant you made Maggie. It made it a little humorous how nonchalant she was when telling Timmy about his kids.
Hello, I really liked your modern twist to this story. Although when the story started I did not expect it to end the way it did. I like how you exaggerated the anger from Timmy’s point of view and I felt sorry for him. I would’ve liked some more background info on the bear like how she found them or how she took them in as their own. Did Timmy end up taking his kids and raising them?
ReplyDeleteHey Sana,
ReplyDeleteI like that you made your story more relatable than the original by drawing on the stigma surrounding teenage motherhood. It's great that you focused your work on writing a backstory because I think it helps readers feel more drawn to the plot, as they can usually better understand what's going on. I can't wait to read more of your stories!